Observations From Below: A Mother’s Gift
I always frustrate my family around Christmas time. I never know what to ask for, and I always say I’m content with what I have. That is true. But it doesn’t help the people that want to buy me gifts. I normally wind up getting a lot of gift cards from my family members, but my mom always comes up with interesting gifts that I didn’t request. Last year she got me a tricycle and a metal detector. The idea was that the tricycle would be good exercise, and I did have one in the past. The thought behind the metal detector was to possibly motivate me to get outside more. I appreciate her thinking outside of the box. But I wanted to talk about the best gift she ever gave me. The gift of strong determination.
Over the course of my life, my mom has helped me foster a tenacious sense of willpower to do as much as I can for myself. Even when it might be faster and easier to call for help. Because I can’t move around at night very easily, I take a couple of devices with me to use while in bed. Most notably is that I take my iPad so I can read before I go to sleep. Last night I put on some new wrist braces that my occupational therapist created to help me not flex my tights wrists and helps maintain mobility. Unfortunately, I ran out of room on the bed and my iPad fell on the bench, which acts as my bedside table. For a typical person, this wouldn’t be a big deal, as you can just roll over and grab it. I have a weak core so rolling over is a much more challenging task, and it is something that I have been working on. Once I do roll over I, have to work on extending my elbows and extremely tight shoulders. My elbows are contracted, meaning they’re always bent, another task I’m working with my therapist on correcting. It took me several tries, but I eventually worked the iPad to the edge of the bench and picked a part of it up to finally retrieve my tablet. Some people would correctly point out that it would have been much easier to call out to get help so that my mom or stepdad could pick it up for me within just a few moments. I have experienced a lot of situations like this, but I always find it more rewarding to accomplish the most menial of tasks on my own if possible.
Since my mom is a nurse, she works nights and sleeps during the day. One day she was laying down on one of our old sofas, and I happened to drop whatever snack I was eating onto the floor. She must have woken up but pretended to be asleep, and I figured a way to pick the snack up. I think most parents would have probably jumped right in to retrieve the snack for their child with a disability, but my mom let me figure out how to do it of my own accord. I was not surprised when I read a book by Angela Duckworth called Grit, in which the central thesis is that the people who struggle the most and find a way to learn from their struggle are likely to persevere and become more successful than any other group she studied. Dr. Duckworth encourages parents to be supportive of their children, but allow them to stay the course and overcome life’s fundamental challenges. My mom has been doing that for a long time, and I think it’s the primary catalyst for my many achievements.
For parents who are new to disability, life is not without its trials and tribulations. Please don’t take away your child’s opportunities to overcome the small challenges. It’s the only way they’re ever going tackle larger hurdles later in life. I hope everyone enjoyed their holidays and the New Year, and I’ll be writing in the future.
That’s how I roll into 2017…..